Anger flight

To face own anger is damn wild- stinky-sweaty workshop. To feel it takes courage. To taste it is to drink own medicine-poison. To fly it as own power dragon is to surrender to death of the mind monkey business.

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Calling up all my power to the task- evoking anger. It is hard work to provoke what is so deeply suppressed. Squatting in front of each other, staring dead straight into each other’s eyes and breathing deep- another woman and myself, about to face our most formidable fears. Actually, it’s ugly truth.

No, we are not a in a fight club or high stake business deal. We are random partners serving each other good cause- healing.

It took me a lot of effort to engage with her, yet my partner was not to be connected with through anger or through the eyes. She was barely keeping up with the breath and continuous dynamic body motion. As much as I tried to rise up anger, I saw my own life force was in exile. The womb, a place our life force inhabits, was occupied and overcrowded. With what?!

The life force, some call it energy, potential, source or goddess Kali- she had no space in her own habitat, the womb hence she sheltered elsewhere- in my head, hips and legs. I felt it in my shaking legs and pounding head. If not at home, Kali slowly destroys her temporary shelter. Kali wishes to show her true face, she wishes to be seen and settle, if rejected she destroys our ignorance.  Much like the blind fury Queen of Hearts from “Alice Adventures in Wonderland” – OFF WITH THEIR HEADS! she chops our head off with all its control, vicious chatter and lucid day dreaming.

First whole body shake and then jump. The jumps are tough. I got some incentive from the guide- good provocation to spring higher. I barely jump, hands high above the head don’t last a minute. I can’t jump, I can’t fly, damn it! I enter pissosity at own helplessness. Try to go jumping again…. Oh, Maleficent, I rejoiced in your grief and wrath at wings chopped off in deceit.

I felt heavy and not in my power at all and pissed off because of it even more. I wanted to fly, to break through heavy burden of pain, get free and I couldn’t- this was the trauma and the drama. Eventually I resigned my partner to her own daunting quest. This time around we were not meant to come to our surrender to be truly seen. Not now, not yet. Alas.

To face own anger is damn wild- stinky-sweaty workshop. To feel it takes courage. To taste it is to drink own medicine-poison. To fly it as own power dragon is to surrender to death of the mind monkey business.

Pissosity, anger, rage- it’s a marathon not a sprint.

Anger is Love tagged as ugly. A reject.

Feeling rejected- inject Love.

Cheating on own Love is injurious death.

 

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Come home to me beloved one

No shame my sweet no shame

It’s all just a sign of your humanness

Release all this heart wrenching pain.

 

No fear my love no fear, 

I will show you how to attend

To your heart space and your open wounds

To your darling inner friend.

 

I will demand you lose your virginity,

Your should’s and your should nots

Be prepared to lose just everything

Your could and your could nots.

 

No fear my love no fear,

Your shadow does not have a ploy

Your sadness is not your enemy,

But a Goddess–given gateway to joy.

It is unto me you must surrender,

Under me you must lay your soul down.

Be prepared to give up your story

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Get ready to lose your crown.

 

No fear my love no fear,

It’s time to give up the fight

Come home my sweet come home to me,

Your heart is ready for the light. 

 

When you are lost in darkness

Just keep chanting my name

I will help you dig deep in your burial ground

Into the core of your glorious shame.

 

No fear my love no fear,

I’m deep in and outside too

I’m time…I’m space…your utter disgrace 

You are me……… and I am You.

 Jai Kali Ma

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Comments
  • Kay Taylor

    Beautiful waves of acceptance wash over me as I honor my anger and name that which disagrees with my soul.. Thanks for this wonderful poetry and insight.. I love the freedom..